she chose joy

Yesterday, Wednesday, April 11th, 2012, I will remember.

And I am choosing to remember it with joy.



Because it is the day that years of random yet sometimes debilitating symptoms seemed to finally make sense.

It's the day that I finally found an answer.

It's the day that I quit wondering if I was crazy and if it was all just in my head.

A day that I was guided to the right place and the right person.

Yesterday was the day that a doctor looked me in the eye and told me that I have Hashimoto's disease.

The room spun for some moments as I tried to swallow the news and understand the new information. I wanted to run out of that doctor's office as fast as I could.

In an amazing twist of fate, my doctor also has Hashimoto's. After the serious news, he had some candid and kind words of understanding for me.

He gave me all of these papers with information and a plan for me to follow. The next thing I knew I was getting a vitamin B shot and buying bottles of different vitamins as I rescheduled what seemed like a hundred new appointments for various other tests and treatments.

I was in a complete daze.

After the appointment, I slowly walked to the restroom and stared at myself in the mirror, trying to remember to breathe. Just breathe!

It's now been one day of letting the information soak in and researching and learning more.

Hashimoto's disease is an auto-immune disease where the body produces an antibody that confuses your immune system into attacking your own thyroid.

On top of the attack on the thyroid and the symptoms that come with that, since it is an auto-immune disease, one can also experience an auto-immune attack anywhere in the body. Meaning it affects the whole body, not just the thyroid.

With Hashimoto's, you can't eat any gluten because the immune system gets confused between gluten and the thyroid gland and that causes more problems. Which explains why when I went gluten free, I experienced an alleviation of some symptoms.

I have gone through a gamut of feelings and emotions processing this. I can get angry about a lot of things, but I can also choose to look at the positives.

I can choose joy.

I am thankful to have answers and a good doctor who understands.

I am amazed beyond words how God answered my prayers. And maybe not in a way that I was hoping for or expecting, but nonetheless. I feel comforted in the fact that this is His will for me.

He loves me and I am here, trying to listen, trying to slow down and pay attention to what He has in store for me.

In the muck of it all, I thank God for my Hashimoto's.

Thank you for this disease Father. Because through it, I cling to You harder.