day 3 brings joy

It's been three days since I found out that I have this auto-immune disease.

And today I feel...

uplifted
thankful
optimistic
free from so many burdens

and today I am so thankful to God for Hoshimoto's!

i've been walking around on this earth since I was 15 years old believing that something was wrong with my heart and my mind.

believing that I was a hypochondriac.

believing that I had a heart condition but so fearful because no one could figure out what caused it (after two failed heart surgeries).

believing that I suffered from a mental disorder.

believing that i was an annoyance and a bother to be around. riddled with guilt and shame because of the way I felt.

having most of my family down play my symptoms, ignore me, and abandon me.

i was a write off, to almost everyone.

today on day three I move from fear to possibilities.

i am no longer bewildered or afraid of all of this madness that started when I was 15. i am no longer ashamed of myself and quite honestly am ashamed at those who treated me that way.

today I shed a million fears and questions about my health that I never dreamed would be answered.

i get it now. the missing puzzle piece that I never gave up on finding has finally been found. no one ever stood by me or up for me or helped me find the missing piece. i stood up for myself. i took care of myself.

every person that talked down to me, that told me to quit searching and that it was all in my head and to just get over it... well you were wrong!

almost everyone wrote me off including my own parents. but God never did. it is only through all of this madness that I found Him in the first place.

He never left my side. He was always there for me. when I was utterly alone and wanting to jump out of my own skin, He was there. when I had thoughts of just wanting to end it all, He was there.

just me and God.

& when I got deeper and deeper into a REAL personal relationship with Him that had nothing to do with wanting to belong to a group and make friends or follow man made rules... when I got down to the bare bones relationship between Him and I, he led me to the exact right circumstances to easily find out about my Hashimoto's.

i hadn't expected much. i was so used to seeing so many doctors and never ever, not once, having any sort of test result come back abnormal that could explain my symptoms.

it's as if God has brought me through an entire process. it's like I've been in years and years of training with Him. he didn't give me exactly what I wanted when I wanted it because He probably knew that if He had, I wouldn't have learned the most important lesson in life! that it's all about Him. it's not about me! He is eternal life. i am a dead end.

he tested me over and over again. gave me glimpses of hope and remission, but always brought me back to despair. and I needed that! i guess that I like to learn lessons the hard way because it seriously took me a long time to take Him seriously.

i'd get real deep with Him and then run away from Him. i'd slip back into trying to have control over everything in my life which lead me away from Him.

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i'm going to start keeping a food diary here of what i eat daily and also what vitamins and medicines i'm taking. i've been on a very strict diet not out of want, but because i have been able to make myself feel a lot better because of it. i originally started eating unprocessed gluten free and mostly grain free almost a year ago out of instinct because i was very ill. well good thing, because that is exactly what someone with Hashimoto's must do anyways! i'm way ahead of the game. the cleaner i get in my eating, the easier it becomes to figure out what foods are bothering me, but i've still got a ways to go in figuring this stuff out.

today i ate:
::iron supplement (just started last night)
::acebutolol (beta blocker that controls tachycardia, been on this over 10 years, works good)
::banana, pineapple, strawberry, fresh young coconut water smoothie

::organic hamburger lettuce wrap

::another organic hamburger lettuce wrap

::2 large handfuls of Kettle brand sea salt potato chips
::several chunks of gluten free dark chocolate
::iron supplement
::chicken, avocado, tomato salsa, cucumber

::multivitamin
::vitamin D
::B-12
::coconut ice cream

::a few more chunks of gluten free dark chocolate

i think that my vitamins and B 12 shot are starting to kick in. i'm starting to feel a little better.

what does hashimoto's disease feel like?

hi, I'm Timber and I have Hashimoto's disease. Nice to meet cha'!

so what does having Hashimoto's disease feel like?

well for me it feels like this
::stomach problems
::food allergies
::gluten intolerance
::allergies to things like laundry detergent and certain makeup
::joint pain in hands, wrists, and feet
::mystery pain under ribs on right side, goes away with clean grain free eating
::fatigue, sometimes I am tired and hurt from just walking up our stairs at home
::shortness of breathe
::brain fog
::loose words mid sentence
::can't remember my own kid's names or birthdays sometimes when asked
::mental confusion
::loss of concentration
::mood swings
::irritability
::anxiety
::panic attacks
::agoraphobia
::heart palpitations
::premature hearbeats
::tachycardia (SVT)
::chest pain
::itching everywhere
::feeling like I got hit by a truck when I eat the wrong thing
::muscle tightness especially behind ears and in neck and back of head, sometimes it burns
::painful burning eyes
::sensitive to light
::sensitive to other people being hyper or too loud when I feel bad
::pleurisy
::cold and low body temperature
::hot flashes
::peeling fingernails (this is a new one)
::a rare form of eczema on palms of hands and soles of feet
::multiple periods in one cycle, sometimes up to 3
::little "flu's" that are auto-immune related

it's really not fun or something that I'd wish on anyone.

but I'm remaining thankful for a diagnosis, as I've been living with these symptoms for a very long time with no real answers... since I was in my teens.

I don't have all of the above symptoms at once!  Some of these symptoms became a lot better when I went grain and processed food free.  When I eat processed gluten free foods and grains like quinoa, I get a return of some symptoms.

she chose joy

Yesterday, Wednesday, April 11th, 2012, I will remember.

And I am choosing to remember it with joy.



Because it is the day that years of random yet sometimes debilitating symptoms seemed to finally make sense.

It's the day that I finally found an answer.

It's the day that I quit wondering if I was crazy and if it was all just in my head.

A day that I was guided to the right place and the right person.

Yesterday was the day that a doctor looked me in the eye and told me that I have Hashimoto's disease.

The room spun for some moments as I tried to swallow the news and understand the new information. I wanted to run out of that doctor's office as fast as I could.

In an amazing twist of fate, my doctor also has Hashimoto's. After the serious news, he had some candid and kind words of understanding for me.

He gave me all of these papers with information and a plan for me to follow. The next thing I knew I was getting a vitamin B shot and buying bottles of different vitamins as I rescheduled what seemed like a hundred new appointments for various other tests and treatments.

I was in a complete daze.

After the appointment, I slowly walked to the restroom and stared at myself in the mirror, trying to remember to breathe. Just breathe!

It's now been one day of letting the information soak in and researching and learning more.

Hashimoto's disease is an auto-immune disease where the body produces an antibody that confuses your immune system into attacking your own thyroid.

On top of the attack on the thyroid and the symptoms that come with that, since it is an auto-immune disease, one can also experience an auto-immune attack anywhere in the body. Meaning it affects the whole body, not just the thyroid.

With Hashimoto's, you can't eat any gluten because the immune system gets confused between gluten and the thyroid gland and that causes more problems. Which explains why when I went gluten free, I experienced an alleviation of some symptoms.

I have gone through a gamut of feelings and emotions processing this. I can get angry about a lot of things, but I can also choose to look at the positives.

I can choose joy.

I am thankful to have answers and a good doctor who understands.

I am amazed beyond words how God answered my prayers. And maybe not in a way that I was hoping for or expecting, but nonetheless. I feel comforted in the fact that this is His will for me.

He loves me and I am here, trying to listen, trying to slow down and pay attention to what He has in store for me.

In the muck of it all, I thank God for my Hashimoto's.

Thank you for this disease Father. Because through it, I cling to You harder.